Preamble: As your guardians and protectors over the centuries, we pass these on for your edification and strict observance:

(1) Henceforth, God is no more to be regarded as strictly male. Whenever She/He is referred to by pronoun, the appropriate female form must be included (e.g. She/He, Her/Him, Hers/His). We reserve the right at some future point in time to declare God a female. Additionally, as we have pointed out to you before, discrimination against your African traditional religions and, in particular, paganism must be brought to an end.  Your African culture and tradition must be respected. These spiritual beliefs are completely as valid as the Islam and Christianity that some of our misguided brothers brought to you in an earlier time. All religions are equally good, and absence of religion is good too. In fact, all reference to God and religion in public and government spaces should be removed.

(2) The goal of gender equality in all things is non negotiable. You in Africa MUST escape from this belief that somehow women are not equal to men in all aspects. This is a source of great concern and anguish to us. Even if female tennis players hit the ball at 50 Miles per Hour and male players at 150 Miles per Hour, they must be given the same compensation. Never mind their big breasts and bottoms, your female football players are just as worthy as their male counterparts, and must be compensated accordingly.

(3) African women must have the right to terminate pregnancies right up to the time of delivery. With all the inhumanities taking place over there, war, famine, slavery, how DARE anyone in Africa  suggest that terminating a nine-month-old fetus is cruel?,

(4) Africa must enforce strict observance of the rights of our special protégés, the LBGTQ community. We reserve the right at some future point in time to include new categories. Forget about the bathroom issue! If necessary we will mandate 10 sets of bathrooms! Forget about your culture and tradition. If you didn’t have enough to eat would you think about your culture and tradition? How DARE anyone in Africa suggest that having 71 gender identities is abnormal? Or that sexual relations with anyone other than the opposite sex is unusual? Do you know about mental illness? We will continue to teach you about it based on our extensive and continuing research into these matters.


(5) Criticism of LBGTQ is forbidden. Freedom of expression in this case is suspended. Especially at FIFA World Cup matches where teams will be severely punished if their supporters express their opinion. And, you know, other young sportsmen are being expelled from their teams for voicing their opinion. Some are being sent for reeducation. Politicians who disagree with this are being removed from office. Yes, it’s all happening here in the West, so why not over there in Africa?  Good friends, it is generally recognized that freedom of expression is not absolute.


(6) The key to promoting our agenda is control of the media. We have sympathetic international partners. The BBC provides us with a ready platform and never airs a contrary opinion. Use them.
 

6) We will continue to protect your people when they attempt to enter our countries as illegal immigrants. This is another great effort we are making for you. The likes of Donald Trump would have them swiftly deported. In return you must support us in our goal to spread our values worldwide. There is no great need to improve your countries in order that your people will not be desperate to escape. Let them come to us, we will take care of them and, quite naturally, we expect their cooperation and support in return (a hundred thousand new immigrant voters could well swing a close election).

(7) We commend our partners, the US blacks, who are compliant and hardly ever question us the way you do.

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